My friends, I need to vent a little.
DJDave Sobel
(9/25/97)
This post is actually being cross posted on two sites... I really need some feedback and thoughts, and I thought it would be a good idea to get it out to more than one group of people. So I E-Mailed Ri, and asked to be put in the Guest Slot on Spotfans Unplugged, as well as my normal slot on the University Center, where my posts have resided for more than a year now.
For those who don't know, my parent divorced about 4 years ago... The split started about 6 years ago and my mom and little brother moved out 5 years go. I wrote a whole post on this back in January as part of the University Center's Theme Weeks, and the contents are still online. That is pretty good background for what I'm writing about today.
Now I get a lot of snail mail, but no one ever sends anything certified, so I didn't really think anything of it.I got a notice from the post office last week saying that I had a certified letter that I needed to pick up. Now I get a lot of snail mail, but no one ever sends anything certified, so I didn't really think anything of it. I ended up putting it off, and I picked it up Wednesday after work. It was a letter from my mom. It read as follows:
"Dear David,
Enclosed is a bequest from your late Grandmother which she wanted you to have.
I hope you are well and enjoying your work.
With love,
Mom"That's it. It contained a check as well.
I was floored. I couldn't believe this was how I found out my Grandmother had died.
I called my little brother, who is now a freshman at Oberlin, and tried to find out what had happened.
Now, things haven't been that great with my little brother since he and Mom moved out. He thinks that I have been turned against Mom by Dad, and that Dad and I are out to get them. I think he's a little twerp, who has been manipulated by Mom pretty badly. I feel bad for the kid.
Anyway, I didn't want to get in a argument with him. He thinks that Dad owes him, and that Dad should be paying for his college and all (mind you, Mom contributed nothing to me once she left my junior year of high school.) He picked up the phone, and when I told him who I was, I asked when Grandma died.
Anyway, I didn't want to get in a argument with him.She died in JUNE. Yeah, FOUR months ago. It was congestive heart failure.... she had a stroke, and never woke up.
However, it gets better. I asked why no one had called me, why he hadn't called me. He said that since I hadn't shown any interest in her when she was alive, they thought that I wouldn't be interested in her death.
So, Mom apparently decided that since I hadn't talked to Grandma for a couple of years, I obviously didn't care, and so she thought I shouldn't be invited to the funeral, nor know about what happened.
I told him how hurt I was by this, and how I wish I had known, because if I had, I would have come to the funeral and payed my respects. His reply:
"You pay your respects when someone is alive, not when they're dead."
I was pretty stunned by all this. I steered the conversation away, and we chatted for a bit.. and then I hung up.
I sure as hell would have gone to the funeral, to pay my respects and all. I mean, I may not have been that close to Grandma, and I really don't like my Mom, but it was the right thing to do, and I would have done it easily. Things like this go beyond disagreements.
I feel like it certainly shows how Mom feels about me.Anyway, I feel like it certainly shows how Mom feels about me. She was always writing these letters about how she really cared for me. But it seems that when push comes to shove, when it really matters, she doesn't give a damn what I feel. I don't really know what to do now. A couple of my friends think I ought to write a letter to Mom and tell her how hurt I am by all this... but I really don't know. What would I say? I don't want to get in a mudslinging match with her. I don't really want her back in my life. I'm not really interested in opening communication or anything.
I'm just pretty hurt by this.
Anyway, I'm really looking for some thoughts. This medium has always been a good one for me, for getting my thoughts out to friends of mine. I could really use your thoughts on this one. My mail box is open (dave@evolvetech.com), as well as the various boards. Yes, I do check the Evolve ones first. :)
Please let me know what you think.
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