Caitlyn Boyd
September 12, 1996
Hey everyone- what's up. I know my post is late but I have a really good
excuse. I always write my weekly posts on Wednesday, but because of rush, I
didn't go to bed until 4:30 Thursday morning. We were having selection
session and it actually went from about 10:30pm to 4:15am. I had a 9:30
class on Thursday and I am so proud of myself because I actually got up and
went to it. Doing this whole rush thing has been very disillusioning. I
really just can't believe some of the things that my sisters have been
saying. This really disappoints me because it means my impressions of them
were wrong and some of my sisters are not what I thought they were. Rush
tonight was just awesome- maybe because it was the last day of rush. In our
pref night ceremonies, one of the songs made me start crying and then most
of the sisters were crying. It made me feel really close to some of them and
after some of the feelings I had been having, this was a great change. I am
excited for our bid day tomorrow because I think we have some really
excellent girls. Yeah Delta!!
Something that is not good is that I am really angry with Bill. During rush,
I have really gotten to know Mia a lot better. I already knew her of course
but not very well. She was sort of kind of seeing Bill last semester and she
was telling me some things that really upset me. I have always liked Bill,
but recently, he has been treating me in a way that I just don't understand.
He acts like he can't stand me one minute and then is perfectly nice the
next. What made me mad is that Mia told me that Bill would do stuff with her
like go get ice cream with her or something like that and then spend the
night with Dana that night. Now, I know I am going to get a million mean
messages because I am talking about Bill and Dana- just don't bother. I
don't even know Dana- I probably have said two words to her and that was at
beach week. I don't mean anything rude by what I am saying- just reporting
what I heard. Anyway, I think that is really disgusting on Bill's part.
Granted, I am only hearing Mia's side and many people have told me that Mia
was also leading Bill on while he was leading her on, but what a dumb thing
for both of them to do. If Bill wanted to be with Dana, why didn't he just
get up the balls and tell her? That is the only thing that is bothering me.
That and the reason Bill gives for not liking me. So I messed up in a major
way at Beach Week. Everyone makes mistakes and the most important thing is
that Paul has forgiven me and we are working through it. It is no one else's
business to pass judgement on me. I know I was just passing judgement on
Bill but I am really mad that he feels he has the right to bitch at me for
something that does not involve him in any way except for the fact that he
is Paul's big. I don't try to tell Bill and Dana how to run their
relationship and I don't think Bill has the right to say anything. I feel
like it isn't enough for Bill that every time I see Chad I feel so
humiliated that I want to be swallowed up by a big whole and just die. No,
Bill has to bring this up all the time as to why I am such an awful person.
Maybe I have been ranting and raving too long but I am really upset. I am so
tired of just being "Paul's girlfriend" and not a real person. So Paul is
perfect and everyone loves him and thinks that he can do no wrong. Is it my
fault that they are all wrong? Paul is not perfect and does not handle
situations the correct way all the time. Just because Paul and I have a
fight, does not mean that it is automatically my fault. I think the sooner
that everyone sees that, the better everything will be. I really like all
the guys in the Alpha frat. What hurts the most is that I thought
they also liked me and I seem to be finding out that they don't. I just wish
they would say something because I think I feel worse now knowing that Bill
dislikes me than I would have if he had just said something to me. Sorry
that I have complained for practically this entire post. I really tired and
very disillusioned from rush and I think I just need to get some sleep and
some exercise. I will be in a better mood soon I promise. Until then, buh-bye!
Caitlyn
cxboyd@maila.wm.edu
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