cxboyd@maila.wm.edu
| Main Menu | Discussion Area |
It was fun at first and then Jack
started flaming me- he is always very mean to me. He says he is just
joking, or at least sometimes he is only joking, but I don't find it very
funny. I always feel like Jack doesn't like me. And this is not me
searching for attention by saying look how much everyone hates me. Jack
is normally pretty rude to me. I guess because I am dating
Paul he
doesn't feel like he needs to be nice, I just don't know. A great example
of this was during Homecoming when
Craig,
Jasmine, and I were sitting
outside their (Paul, Jack, Madeline, Bill, etc.) dorm and Jack walked by,
put his hand on Jasmine's shoulder and said hi to Craig and started to
walk in. Craig, who was very intoxicated at this point, started bitching
at Jack because he didn't say anything to Jasmine or to me. Jack, very
defensively -shocking I know- said that he put his hand on Jasmine and
that was hello, and Caitlyn, I quote, "It's Caitlyn, I don't have to say
hi to her. It's Caitlyn." Thanks- make me feel like absolute shit. So, I
felt so out of place at Ruby Tuesday's with everyone. Rick seemed to be
having a great time and so did everyone else- the more fun they had, the
worse I felt. I definately WAS NOT having fun and I am not really sure
why. I hate to complain so much because I am sure everyone is sick of
listening to me, but I never really feel a part of that crowd. I feel
like everyone likes me only because I am dating Paul and because I am one
of DJDave's good friends. Most of the time I feel like Paul's girlfriend
and not Caitlyn. Paul tells me all the time that it shouldn't matter why
everyone starting hanging out with me, the point is that they do and that
there is no way to judge why people like me. But that is the point- I
don't feel like they like me which makes me feel uncomfortable so I think
they like me even less. I feel a little strange around Madeline also
because I don't really know her all that well. Saturday, Madeline and I
hung out in Paul's room while he was working watching movies- I really had
a great time with her. But tonight, even with her I felt uncomfortable.
She and Jack have this competition thing going(I personally think Jack
kind of likes Madeline, but that is just my opinion) and calling each
other bitch this and bitch that, so they are unapproachable when they are
together. It really gets out of hand. But that is really not what I am
talking about. I guess I am bummed because I was really looking forward
to seeing Rick, even though I said I didn't want to talk to him for the
rest of my life ;), and it wasn't any fun. At least it wasn't any fun for
me.
Except for this, my weekend was pretty good. When Paul went away for the weekend last week, he left on our 2 year anniversary. It is not that big of a deal to us but I was still a little upset that we wouldn't be able to do anything. This weekend, Jack went away for his Catholic retreat planning so Paul and I could be alone for the entire weekend. It was nice to just be able to hang out without a million people in the room like there normally is. Not anything against Jack because I like him a lot, but he is in the room often. I guess we are a little spoiled because last year, Paul's roommate was never there and because I had the roommate from hell first semester who would have sex with her boyfriend while I was in the room, I practicely lived in Paul's room. I was there even when he wasn't. So this weekend was nice except that Paul and I are having this problem about what is the optimal bedtime. On Friday it wasn't a problem because I went to bed at 12:30 and he just stayed up until he wanted to go to sleep. But on Saturday, even though I like everyone- sometimes they just need to get the hell out of the room. Paul got back from his gig at 1 which was fine with me because Madeline and I were watching movies until then. But then all these people came into the room- it was Madeline, Paul, Sean, Maria, and they ordered pizza and didn't leave until almost 3 am. Finally I told Paul that if everyone didn't leave that I was leaving so he told everyone that he was going to go to bed. I was absolutely exhausted at this point since I had been up since 8. It really isn't that I hate everyone, I don't at all. It was just that I was really tired and Paul had promised that this weekend was just going to be us. Paul is a great friend but a shitty boyfriend because he is trying to be such a great friend. Everyone thinks I am such a bitch to Paul because he is so nice but I hate to break everyone's bubble, but he is totally different when you people aren't there. He really takes me for granted, because he thinks I am just this thing that will always be there. Kind of like Jack- it's just Caitlyn, I don't have to do anything for her because it's just her. After a while, I get pretty fed up with all of this shit. Last year, Paul and I were really having lots of problems because he could never be away from his friends enough to notice whether I was dead or not. What was the worst was that I could never talk to anyone about these problems because no one believed me. No one believed that Paul could be anything but this god- Jasmine didn't even believe me and I think that was what hurt me most of all. Paul and I are doing much better now but that is because we just try to do anything together. Or at least I don't. I used to spend the night with him all the time but I am so tired of him never wanting to compromise but thinking I should ALWAYS be the one to give in that now, I don't sleep over that often. Most of the time I sleep over one night a weekend and that is about it. Sometimes I don't stay either night. Paul gets mad but I don't want to stay up two and a half hours after I get really tired to just sleep in the same bed as him. It is just not worth it to me so I don't so it anymore.
Now that everyone is about to shoot themselves in the head from boredom, I will stop complaining. Hey- thanks for listening though, it makes me feel so much better to write this all out. Talk to y'all later.
Caitlyn
cxboyd@maila.wm.edu
Go forward an
entry