Caitlyn Boyd

January 22, 1997

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Hey everyone- how are you doing? I am okay, nothing much is happening to me. This weekend I went on IRC to the Grapejam thing with Dean Cain. He is very sexy. There were so many people on though that it was hard to keep up with everything. Things calmed down a lot after Dean left and I got to make fun of Chip, which always makes my day;).

Yesterday, my freshman roommate called to ask what was up with Paul. She said that the only way she can keep up with my life is to read my posts every week. Since I hadn't written anything further, she was curious as to what had happened over break. So, since she was interested and so is someone on the D.A., I thought I would write something about that. I really thought Paul and I were going to stop dating but I didn't want to deal with all of that crap while I was at home so we decided to wait to do anything until we got back to school. I assumed this meant that we would break up when we got back to school. But during the break, I felt that Paul got more serious about the relationship than I was allowing myself to be and he decided that he wanted to stay together for the semester and after we graduated. I am still trying to not get that involved in everything because I don't want to get hurt again. That is probably bad but it is my way of dealing with things. Our relationship has bee 200% better since we have got back to school but that doesn't mean things our perfect. I still have a hard time trusting Paul and believing that he loves me for something more than convenient sex. A majority of this is me and my insecurities about myself but Paul doesn't really give me any reason to trust him. He says one thing but his actions say something different. For example, over break, my big came done to Northern Va. and I went to stay up there with our friends. On the way I stopped by where Paul was staying with his friends and we spent the afternoon together. Now, I didn't go way out of my way, just 30 mins. but I did expect that Paul would spend the time with me. We went to Tysons but I don't really like to shop. Then we came back and he plopped down on the couch to start playing Nintendo. I was pretty pissed off so I decided to leave early. Paul got all pissed off and he said that everything was perfect before I got there and now he was having all these problems. I was so hurt that I started crying right there. How can he say he loves me and then say things like that to me? That is why I don't believe him. Not to be complaining too much but hey, it is what I do best. This Friday I went over to Paul's to spend time with him since Jack was gone for the weekend and Paul went to The Bar. I didn't really want to go because there was only an hour left so I stayed in the room. Paul came back and announced that he was going to see The People vs. Larry Flint and asked if I wanted to go. I have a problem with a movie that idealizes the life of the man that created Hustler so I didn't want to go. But that didn't mean that I didn't want to do nothing. But since I didn't want to go, Paul said nothing but goodbye and left. He left me alone for like five hours even though he said that we would spend time together. WHATEVER. Instead, I cleaned the puke out of their bathroom from this really drunk froshie that no one really knew. There was this freshman in their hall bathroom throwing up and he looked so bad that we wanted to take him to the hospital. After he went home me and Maria and Jack's brother cleaned the bathroom. It was an exciting night. My point is, if Paul loves me, why would he leave in his room for 5 hours? I thought he wanted to spend time with me but I guess I was wrong. Even though things are much better, he can still be a huge asshole. I am not really sure what to do.

Not much else has been happening except my classes. I love my Medicine and Ethics class. It is taught by a professor that is rumored to be extremely difficult and people say only God can get an A in his classes. But I really like him, he is very nice. Right now we are discussing abortion and it is all very interesting. Anyway, that is about it. I hope this wasn't too boring but nothing interesting is happening to me right now. Talk to y'all later. Take care.

Caitlyn

cxboyd@maila.wm.edu

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