Allison Woodling
April 3, 1997
I guess it's that time of year
again...students registering for
classes...Seniors laughing at underclassmen because they don't have
to...trying not to get stuck with early morning classes. Well, I have my
schedule for next semester. 17 Credits. African History, U.S. History,
Ethnographic History, Political Polling and Analysis, American Judiciary,
and....yup, Synchronized Swimming I and II. Synchro I and II are
co-requisites but are for a total of 2 credits. I'm psyched. I also want
to take Tennis. I am going to see if I can add it later.
Speaking of classes and such...Tuesday morning was a nightmare. I only just
remembered that I had an econ exam. Thank God Econ is a strength for me.
Oh, one good academic point however...I am really pleased with the support
you guys have given me so far with my survey. If you have yet to take it,
please
do so. I really need the completed data soon and I will put the
completed paper up on the site.
Jacob went home with me for Easter last weekend. I did up a special basket
for him. I filled a dozen plastic eggs with candy and in each I put a cute
little love note. They were pretty creative and I had a lot of fun putting
it together. My parents think that he is just terrific. My mother asked me
today if this was "the one." I know my mom wants me to go home again this
weekend, but Beta has initiation and since I have two little sisters being
initiated, I really need (and want) to be here. Julie and Angie (my
littles) are going to be terrific sisters. I'm much closer to Julie than to
Angie but still I think Julie and I might be having some problems. Ever
since I started dating Jacob, most of my time has been devoted to him and
less time to the bonding sessions that Julie and I used to have. I claim
full responsibility for that and I am going to try to make a special effort
to separate sister time from boyfriend time. She deserves that. As far as
Angie goes, I am still getting to know her more each day. She bought me red
carnations the other day, which is so sweet because aside from roses, they
are my favorite. I love flowers...their scent, their soft petals, their
brightness.
Speaking of sisters in Beta, one got engaged on Monday! That is so cool.
She claims to have known about it for a while. Erica and I really ought to
communicate more. She is visiting in a couple of weeks so I will spend some
quality time with her then.
Okay...I really need to bring an issue up. It has taken a lot of careful
consideration on my part and also a lot of reservations. I also fear some
reactions that might come flying at me. So please...as far as this is
concerned, it is really important to me -- if you have nothing nice to
respond...don't respond at all. And finish reading before you make
judgements, okay? The other day, I think it was Jacob who asked me, why I
never have been to an Alpha smoker or tried to rush there. I can't answer
that directly but I can battle out a response on paper:
As I am thinking about this, I want to quote something from my journal at
Encounter. The entry segment is dated January 24. "I find it very hard to
consider my parents to be my family. So I have always turned to friends,
especially to Beta. Perhaps equally as significant in my life (if not more
so), is my turning to Alpha. For all intensive purposes, they are my
"brothers."
(
Mike,
Pete, Tim,Roger,
Craig, Martin,
Paul, Jack, Bill,
Norman,
Sean,
Chad, Steven, Katherine, Jerry, and of course the big man
himself...
Ed Baker.)
I know I will never likely be an Alpha, nor have I
necessarily expressed that desire or lack of desire. I do however, in many
ways, value their brotherhood as my own. They comforted me and supported me
through my rape last year, especially Mike and Bill. I knew it was really
hard for them to accept, as it would have been for any brother. Alpha has
given me nothing short of a firm, loving, and nurturing environment at
William and Mary from Day One and I will always cherish the brotherhood as
an outsider. I love Beta with all my heart, but it has truly been Alpha
that has helped me to discover the person that I am, Now Jack Kaiser, an
Alpha, is showing me Christ..."
This is why I had to give a special "thank you" to Jack after the
Encounter. As far as Alpha goes, I don't see why to be a "part," one has to
be a "member." I am at home (or so I feel) at The Bar. Sean and Bill
were super supportive when I broke up with my ex last year. They have
continued to be amazing friends. And I consistently thank God that at least
Sean will be here next year. Oh, I can't forget Ed Baker...he is a
terrific friend, and in many ways the brother to whom I am closest. I
already told him that having absolutely NOTHING to do with Alpha (or Beta),
I have adopted him as my "big brother." I need that, and he fills that
empty space. I cried when the Alphas graduated last year, and I will shed a
thousand more tears this May, especially since I will be at Commencement.
The question I was asked though really got me thinking. I am still
thinking... I don't know. If I already feel like they are my brothers, why
should I try to change that or develop it at the risk of losing it all?
Losing that trust, respect, and friendship would ache. Do I make sense?
Hold on, I need a tissue...
Okay. Wow. Writing that was probably more emotion-evoking that anything
else I have ever posted (and that says a lot!)
I need to go take a cold shower...on second thoughts...I need a hug instead.
The weepy-eyed Allison
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